


Fun with Gender Binaries

by ThreeHats



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:39:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6730240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeHats/pseuds/ThreeHats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In their search for their missing friend, Black Widow and Wolverine find themselves on a planet with a matriarchal government, which means a very... compromising wardrobe for Logan.</p><p>All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fun with Gender Binaries

**Characters:** Black Widow, Wolverine  
 **Location:** A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...  
 **Scenario:** #1 is training #2 for a fight

"How is this supposed to be helpful?" the gruff, no-nonsense tone carried flatly over the dry air of Kalifor, an arid planet tucked away in the outer rim. Wolverine stood before her, his large legs bursting the seams of a pair of revealing pants, and his chest exposed to the warm afternoon air. A series of leather and cloth straps were all that covered his muscular upper half. Black Widow sat at the bottom of the ramp of their silver ship, trying to hide the amused smirk gathering at the corners of her lips.

"This is a planet that has a matriarchal society, " Romanoff said, allowing her poker face to take over in the face of Logan's ridiculous outfit. "Men are seen as objects to be owned and enjoyed, so I have to look like I... enjoy you." Her tongue grazed against the words delicately, and Wolverine clucked his own in distaste.

The two had previously been three when they began this ridiculous mission--Ant Man began the mission with them, but had gone missing after the last conflict. The two of them had managed to track down his location to this planet, where he was currently held captive within a nearby palace. They had touched down to gather more intel to find that there was a party that evening in honor of the Queen's 20th year of rule, but they needed to find a way in. Natasha, being gifted in the art of subterfuge, had needed every ounce of skill to convince Logan that the idea was the best one they had, but judging from the scowl on his face that hadn't left since donning the traditional male garb, he still didn't believe her.

"Either way, I think this will work nicely," she said, tilting her head a little too far to "appreciate" the wardrobe. The light fell across his deltoids in a way that clearly expressed each ligament, which delicately twitched with each movement of his defined arms. She blinked in an attempt to get back on track. "Now we just need to work on..." she vaguely gestured at his face. "...this."

A thick, angular brow arched up, and the corners of his lips pulled futher down. Romanoff folded her arms across her chest, allowing one of her hands to rest on her chin in mock thought.   
"I'm definitely getting a strong sense of... loathing?"

"You sure you aren't the psychic one?" Wolverine grumped loudly, resting his hands on his hips.

"While loathing is all well and good, I think it shouldn't all be loathing. We need to convince them that you're even slightly affected by the Stockholm Syndrome that I'm sure all these men have to have in order to survive living here. Show me that face."

Wolverine's face did not move.

"...Okay. Okay, that's good. Now what if you were in mourning? Ooh, what if you were ripped away from your family on a different planet to be a slave here? Let's see that."

Again, Wolverine remained motionless, refusing to humor her exercises. She remained unbothered, the corners of her lips turning up as she allowed herself a bit of fun.

"Great, I love it. Now let's say that you and the big green guy got in a fight, and you ended it with a stick lodged firmly up your own ass. What would that look like?"

His face remained the same.

"I think that's the best one yet. What do you think, big boy, do you like that backstory?"

"You really wanna know my opinion, bub?" He spat a petname back at her.

"Don't get too saucy with me, Mister," she chided. "Remember, I'm the one making costuming decisions here. This was the conservative male slave outfit. I'm on your side here."

Logan didn't seem entirely convinced, and she agreed that he most likely shouldn't have. Entering the code to lift the ramp, Black Widow crossed to their modest ground transport. She threw her leg over the space motorcycle with ease, glancing at the seat behind her before looking back at Wolverine. He sighed, a long-suffering thing that she had no idea how he managed to contain, and got behind her. She patted his leg encouragingly.

"There's a good boy," Natasha said, and she could almost feel him bristle behind her. "Let's go save our prince in peril. Oh, and don't forget to smile!"


End file.
